i made this so i can put it up on my computer while i’m doing homework. i figured my favorite people yelling at me to do my homework is good motivation.
[WILL McAvoy sits poised at his desk, staring straight into the camera, but silent and motionless. The News Night CREW waits patiently. REESE enters, flabbergasted.]
REESE: What the FUCK is going on here, why isn’t anyone doing the news.
MACKENZIE: (Ignoring Reese) Stand by.
REESE: Mack, I don’t pay you to stand by, I pay you to do the news.
MACKENZIE: Reese unless you’ve changed your name to “The American Viewing Audience” recently, you don’t pay me to do anything. My money comes from the people, Reese.
REESE:This is ridiculous. Will, do the news!
WILL: The news isn’t something you do, Reese, it’s something you live.
Reese is taken aback. He is clearly changed now.
[CHARLIE, with tears in his eyes, has his gun trained on WILL’S HEAD.]
WILL: Shoot me, don’t shoot me, Charlie, I don’t give a damn. I’ve got news to do.
He does the news.
[MACKENZIE and WILL are arguing loudly and in front of everyone about their relationship. Meanwhile, MAGGIE, DON and JIM are arguing loudly and in front of everyone about THEIR relationship.]
MAGGIE: None of this matters! The point is, Jim needs to have sex with my roommate and I need to watch and nag him while he does it.
JIM: I’m uncomfortable but still charming.
WILL: You don’t get it, Mackenzie. I know we were the first ones to report on the Oklahoma City Bombing but it wasn’t the news that broke that day; it was my heart.
MACKENZIE: Will! Wiillll!
NEAL: (Reading from a computer) Um, guys.
MAGGIE: Jim, take out your dick.
JIM: I’m not going to do-
MAGGIE: I need to see it for-
They are all silenced. They can see he is holding a printout with some NEWS on it.
NEAL: Plaxigo Burress just shot himself in the leg in a strip club.
The news team forgets their differences and comes together to do some news. A Coldplay song plays.
[WILL and DON are face-to-face.]
WILL: If you did half the news that I did, we wouldn’t be having this conversation.
DON: Please, Will, you haven’t done real news in ten years, why won’t you report on the election?
WILL: People elect politicians. The news elects ideas.
DON is taken aback. He is clearly changed now.
[MAGGIE enters, TRIPPING OVER HER OWN FEET and CHOKING ON SOME POPCORN because she FORGOT HOW TO EAT. JIM enters and SMILES AT HER.]
JIM: (Smiling) Hi.
Suggested Plot Twist for Season Two
At the end of Season One, Will McAvoy gets FIRED for doing TOO MUCH NEWS. He hands in his news badge and now, like the journalism version of Shaft, he has to spend Season Two doing the news underneath the law. He goes around the world, doing the news that the fat cat mainstream news won’t tackle. His staff includes Mackenize, Maggie, (who can’t talk since she accidentally swallowed her tongue), Neal, (who is still upset because he knew someone in the Aurora shooting, Hurricane Katrina and Gore Vidal), and Jim. They are all FUGITIVES of the NEWS, which is why the subtitle for Season Two is “FUGITIVES OF THE NEWS.”